Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Coming Home

Wow. It's been a long time since I've done this. Not gonna lie...I feel a little intimidated right now.
I guess there's only 1 thing to do.
Jump right in to the deep end with wild abandon. Here goes!...
3 1/2 years ago I felt completely secure in my life. Everything was peaceful. Easy. Predictable.  I woke up every day knowing exactly how my day would go. I had a vision for the future. Sort of.
And then...I had the rug pulled out from under me. So long stability, hello crazy roller-coaster ride!  I'm not going to go into details because they aren't important.  All you really need to know is that everything changed and I suddenly realized how truly unpredictable life is.
The last few years have taught me some of the hardest lessons I've had to learn so far in this life.  They've been tumultuous and upsetting. Difficult and scary.  They have also been absolutely wonderful in a lot of ways.
I believe that everything happens for a reason, and I believe there was a reason that NKOTB came back into my life at exactly the same time that everything else was falling apart. My life was the perfect storm, and they were the lighthouse guiding me home.
I know that's super corny and I know it sounds dumb. They're just a pop group for crying out loud!
Except they aren't. Not to me anyway. They were once upon a time. Not any more. (I swear I'm not insane)
What began as a distraction has blossomed into something far more profound. Something I'll never truly be able to explain to anyone who hasn't been a part of it. As much as I'd like to, I really just don't think it can be done. There is no rhyme or reason, it just IS.
The other thing that's sort of hard to explain is that when I say NKOTB, I'm not just talking about 5 guys. I'm also talking about every person those 5 guys have brought into my life. There are too many to name individually and so it's just easier to group everyone together under 1 heading.
Anyway, these people have taught me a lot about myself over the last few years and helped me find a strength that I didn't know I possessed. It was always there, I just didn't know it until they pointed it out for me.
A few months ago my roller-coaster ride took a steep dive and I realized that the car was going to jump the track if I didn't take over the controls. So I did. It was terrifying, but thanks to my friends, I knew that it was going to be ok.
My family and I decided we needed to change tracks entirely. We left our old life in Illinois & moved back to my home town in Maine. Now we're here and I have an opportunity that very few people are blessed with. I get to choose my own adventure (remember those books?!)
It's incredibly exciting, but also terrifying! I have a dream for my future. I CAN make it happen... IF I work hard enough. It's all up to me. 
Wow.  How did I never see that before?

I hope you'll join me as I write my story. I'll try to keep it exciting. (but not TOO exciting...I'm ready to coast for a little bit)

3 fabulous responses:

cdfrog said...


JMsTwistedNecta said...

Luv this :)

@luvinnkotb said...

great blog, know exactly what you mean about NKOTB:)