A few times every day I come to my computer to check my email and connect with the rest of the world. Every day I visit Blogger.com and feel ashamed at how long it's been since I've actually posted a blog and wonder why I can't think of anything to say...or sometimes I can think of something to say but I have no time to type out my thoughts. (I'm sure that by now you've noticed that I'm a tad loquacious!) Yesterday I finally got back into it and I'm determined to keep it going.
I was in bed last night trying to relax and go to sleep when I started thinking about my blog. I realized that I've really gotten away from my original purpose. It started off as a way to keep myself motivated to get healthy and has evolved into a place for me to put my random thoughts to words. (I had such good intentions!)
As my mind wandered around the topic of my blog I started thinking about the title and wondering what other people might think when they see it, especially given the current content. I really wonder what sort of reactions it provokes. I started thinking about what was going on in my head when I decided on the title. I wanted something provocative and I wanted it to be somewhat amusing. I also wanted something that pushed me past my own boundaries a little bit since my goal was to use my fear of other people's opinions of me to keep motivated. (It seemed like a good idea at the time. Still does really, it's just too bad that it hasn't been terribly successful to date.)
Meandering around this whole train of thought got me thinking about the unbelievable amount of prejudice that exists regarding weight. It's truly baffling. No matter what size a person is (particularly females) no one ever seems satisfied with what they are, and we are all constantly judging others as a way to make ourselves feel better/justified. As always, Hollywood and the entertainment/media world as a whole are largely to blame. What kind of world are we living in when Tyra Banks, Jennifer Love Hewitt, and Mischa Barton are being called out for weight issues? I mean really, what the heck is that all about?
Every day at work I hear women commenting about their bodies and the food that they eat. Women who are maybe a size 4 obsessing over a single french fry. I honestly do not even know what to say to that. Part of me wishes that I had a little bit more of that mentality myself. Perhaps if I did I would be able to finally win the battle of the bulge. The other, larger part of me sincerely wants to smack the living daylights out of these women. Women who have the ability to scarf down an entire pizza in one sitting and not gain an ounce and yet still have the gall to complain that they might not look 100% perfect in their size 0 bikini. I mean really people- can we get a little perspective?
Which brings me back to the title of my blog- Life in the Fat lane...because that is really what it feels like to be truly overweight. It seems like everyone else gets to travel the highway of life in their fancy little vehicles while we (the Mac trucks if you will) are forced to travel a different route to avoid getting in the way. The lovely highway has all these fancy stops along the way... great little stores with racks and racks of fabulous clothes, parties and clubs full of fabulous people, beaches and sports arenas to show off all the fabulous bodies and to bond with all of the other fabulous people. The Fat lane has very few exits. There are a few stores. Some of these stores carry clothing that is made to look like the clothes at the stores on the regular highway. Unfortunately when you put them on they really just highlight the parts of you that are the most un-fabulous. Other stores carry clothes that actually fit, but highlight the fact that you are in reality a Mac truck and not a fancy little BMW. There are a few exits that take you to the parties and clubs on the main highway, but you hardly ever go to any of them because there are posters and signs everywhere to remind you that you don't really belong on that road. You may even stop at a beach or sporting event from time to time, but again there are big signs posted everywhere telling you that you don't belong...and should you ever miss one of the signs there is always someone around to point them out to you.
I know some of this is in my own head, but there is still way too much that isn't. As I get older I find myself trying harder and harder to break through the boundaries I come up against (real and imagined) and build my own super highway...you're all invited to come and enjoy the scenery!