Finding the light

The other day my sister called me to tell me that she saw an ad in our local newspaper for a camera club that's looking for new members. She thought that I might be interested & suggested I check it out.
So I went to their website & had a look. I was pretty impressed and decided to give it a try.
I soon learned that the first meeting of the year is scheduled for September 8th. The topic of discussion is "Best Shots". In May the club assigned a task for the summer. The group picked 10 categories & asked each member to submit their best shot from each of the categories for the September meeting. The photos must be current (taken between the May meeting & the September meeting).
I thought to myself "Well shoot! These people have been working on this all summer & I have 1 week to pull it off??? I'll never manage. I guess I'll just have to go and observe." but then I took a look at the categories and realized that many of my favorite photos from this summer fit the categories perfectly! I only had to come up with a few ideas. Totally doable!
I'm a little nervous about putting myself out there. I've never done this before and I'm assuming a lot of these people have quite a bit of experience (based on the photos on the website). However, I also know that I will never learn new things or make any progress if I don't try. So I'm trying. What's the worst that could happen? Absolutely nothing.
So my lovely loyal friends...here's what I came up with. Feel free to comment & let me know what you think. I'll post an update after the meeting tomorrow & let you know how it went!

Inside looking out

Purple

Speed or Movement

Hands

Shoes

Patterns

Smoke / Fog

Fences

Windows or Doors

Fabric

The Dream

A couple of months ago it suddenly became clear to me that I needed to move back home to Maine.
I've wanted to do it for years, but the logistics of making it happen always seemed too complicated so I never pushed very hard.
Then one night I was trying in vain to fall asleep & it hit me like a lightning bolt to the temple. I didn't WANT to move to Maine...WE as a family NEEDED to move to Maine. I didn't really know how it was all going to work out, but I knew that I had to make it happen. So I did.
It took a few (very frightening) weeks for everything to come together, but they did. My husband's company agreed to let him work from home and I had the all clear to quit my job & start packing up all our stuff. We had a place to live (at least temporarily), steady income including health insurance, and I was going to have the freedom to stay home with Ciara for the summer to get us settled before finding a job for myself.
Now the summer is coming to an end & it's time for me to be productive. I need to seize the opportunity that I've been given if this move is going to fully work. Which leads me to contemplate- What exactly IS my dream anyway?
I have developed a passion for photography over the last several years. I have never taken any classes and I'm very much an amateur but people seem to agree that I have a talent for it. So I guess the ultimate dream is for me to turn my passion into a career. BUT...I know that doesn't just happen over night. It's going to take a lot of hard work and dedication to get there.
So the next question becomes- What can I do in the meantime to make money so that my family and I can have the life we really want, but still have the time and energy to pursue my ultimate dream?
The possibilities in small town Maine tend to be a bit limited. 
Except I refuse to allow them to be. I am an intelligent, capable woman. Surely I can convince others of this?
What am I good at? What do I have to offer my community? Where is there a need for me & my abilities?
Here's the amusing thing (well, amusing to me anyway)- various members of my family all came back with the same answer independently...SOCIAL MEDIA.
The businesses in my small city are only just beginning to grasp the benefits of using social media as a marketing tool. It's the perfect time to jump in and make a name for myself. If I play my cards right, use my connections and my wits, and work HARD, I really believe I can do this.
So for now, I guess my dream is this...
I would like to build my own business. I want to make my own schedule and be able to be there for my daughter. I want to be able to volunteer for field trips and to help her with school & extra curricular activities. I want to become involved in the community where I was born & raised. This is my home and I think that I have a lot to offer to help make it a better place to live. I want to study photography. I want to understand the science of a photo well enough that I can plan each exposure and not just luck into a few nice ones here & there. I want people to love my photos so much that they can't wait to hire me to take some for them. That's my dream. NOW...to make it my reality.
Stay tuned!

PS Here's a little sample of some of my favorite photos. Enjoy!

Coming Home

Wow. It's been a long time since I've done this. Not gonna lie...I feel a little intimidated right now.
I guess there's only 1 thing to do.
Jump right in to the deep end with wild abandon. Here goes!...
3 1/2 years ago I felt completely secure in my life. Everything was peaceful. Easy. Predictable.  I woke up every day knowing exactly how my day would go. I had a vision for the future. Sort of.
And then...I had the rug pulled out from under me. So long stability, hello crazy roller-coaster ride!  I'm not going to go into details because they aren't important.  All you really need to know is that everything changed and I suddenly realized how truly unpredictable life is.
The last few years have taught me some of the hardest lessons I've had to learn so far in this life.  They've been tumultuous and upsetting. Difficult and scary.  They have also been absolutely wonderful in a lot of ways.
I believe that everything happens for a reason, and I believe there was a reason that NKOTB came back into my life at exactly the same time that everything else was falling apart. My life was the perfect storm, and they were the lighthouse guiding me home.
I know that's super corny and I know it sounds dumb. They're just a pop group for crying out loud!
Except they aren't. Not to me anyway. They were once upon a time. Not any more. (I swear I'm not insane)
What began as a distraction has blossomed into something far more profound. Something I'll never truly be able to explain to anyone who hasn't been a part of it. As much as I'd like to, I really just don't think it can be done. There is no rhyme or reason, it just IS.
The other thing that's sort of hard to explain is that when I say NKOTB, I'm not just talking about 5 guys. I'm also talking about every person those 5 guys have brought into my life. There are too many to name individually and so it's just easier to group everyone together under 1 heading.
Anyway, these people have taught me a lot about myself over the last few years and helped me find a strength that I didn't know I possessed. It was always there, I just didn't know it until they pointed it out for me.
A few months ago my roller-coaster ride took a steep dive and I realized that the car was going to jump the track if I didn't take over the controls. So I did. It was terrifying, but thanks to my friends, I knew that it was going to be ok.
My family and I decided we needed to change tracks entirely. We left our old life in Illinois & moved back to my home town in Maine. Now we're here and I have an opportunity that very few people are blessed with. I get to choose my own adventure (remember those books?!)
It's incredibly exciting, but also terrifying! I have a dream for my future. I CAN make it happen... IF I work hard enough. It's all up to me. 
Wow.  How did I never see that before?


I hope you'll join me as I write my story. I'll try to keep it exciting. (but not TOO exciting...I'm ready to coast for a little bit)

You drove to Iowa for WHAT?!

I'm going to share a little something about myself with you.

I suck at sports.

And I when I say I suck at sports, I mean that I REALLY, REALLY suck at sports.

And not just one or two of them...ALL of them.  If it requires coordination or any sort of athletic ability of any kind, I can virtually guarantee you that I will find a way to screw it up so badly that it will boggle your mind.

Honestly, it really shouldn't even be humanly possible to suck this much.

When I was a growing up going to gym class was like having my worst nightmares come to life. I absolutely dreaded walking into that gigantic empty room with it's stale sweat smell and slippery floors.  It was my own private hell.  I viewed athletic equipment as torture devices, and my classmates were just sadistic bastards who couldn't wait to get their hands on these instruments of evil and have their way with me.

My parents tried really hard to help me out.  They were very encouraging, and had me try all sorts of different activities. Gymnastics, soccer, cheer-leading, dancing, basketball...all with equally horrendous results.  The only thing I was ever marginally decent at was swimming.  I was on the swim team for several years.  I even got a first place ribbon in my first ever race! (sadly, that was the only one I ever got...and it was a relay)

I tried for a while. I really did. I wanted to be good...it's just that my body would never cooperate with me.  I'd listen to the instructions and watch the other kids and think "Well that looks easy enough!  You just run down the mat, jump on the trampoline and land on the pommel horse on your knees?...I'm SURE that I can do that!"...and then my turn would come. I ran down the mat, jumped on the trampoline...and did a somersault over the pommel horse kicking my poor gym teacher in the head in the process.  True story.  I think that we had to call the janitor to come clean the floors after because all of my classmates had peed their pants from laughing so hard.

Now, I may not have any athletic prowess of any kind at all...but I am a reasonably intelligent person.  If someone says to you "Hey, I want you to try this really cool new thing that I discovered! It's all the rage. Everyone is doing it!" and you go join them, and it turns out that this really cool new thing is sticking bamboo shoots under your fingernails...you're probably not going to do it a second time, right? Yeah...me neither.

So...having lived with this issue my entire life, I have recently been faced with asking myself "Self, what exactly would possess you to drive 3 hours to Iowa and 3 hours home in one day for the sole purpose of going bowling?!"

Imagine my surprise when myself answered "Well, because it's FUN ya dummy!"

See, the thing that I never figured out when I was a kid was that it really isn't about the results.  It's about spending time with people and being carefree and silly.  (Ok, not for everyone...some people take that stuff way too seriously, but in general people are just out to have a good time)

When my friend Manda first mentioned her bowling party to me, my initial reaction was "No friggin' way!I haven't picked up a bowling ball since I was 8 years old and there is very little chance that I've suddenly become coordinated."  But I really love Manda, and I miss her and I wanted to see her.  So when another friend told me that she was considering going I decided to throw caution to the wind and be a rebel for a change.

So I did it. I got in the car and drove all the way to Iowa to spend a couple of hours bowling.  I was excited to see some old friends and to make some new ones and if it meant I had to throw a big heavy ball down a lane and try to knock over some pins...well, so be it.

As expected...I sucked.  I sucked BAD!  I swear, you wouldn't even believe that it's truly possible to suck as bad as I do.  You know how in slapstick comedies some idiot accidentally throws the ball in the wrong direction?  Yeah...that would be me. (twice)

BUT the difference between now and when I was a kid is that now I really don't care.  It was funny and I just laughed and tried again.  The difference between now and then is that I know that it doesn't really matter.  I know that people are still going to like me and think that I'm fun even if I can't knock down a bunch of pins, or make a ball go through a net, or manage to stay upright while rolling around a slippery floor with wheels attached to my feet.

This knowledge is a beautiful thing...and I have you to thank for it.  You all have shown me love and friendship and helped me to see that I'm actually pretty cool just the way that I am.  Thank you!

Who I Am

I am the mother of an extraordinary child
I am the wife of an imaginative man
I am the daughter of two of the coolest parents ever
I am the sister of two amazing and brilliant individuals
I am the Aunt of two bright and beautiful little girls
I am a Granddaughter who has not had nearly enough time to know and appreciate the people who came before her the way that they deserve
I am the friend that you can call in the middle of the night when you need a shoulder to cry on, or even if you just want to talk
I am a teacher
I am an eternal student
I am the coworker who will work extra hours for you so that you can go home when you don't feel well even though I really don't want to
I am the stranger on the street who will look into your eyes and smile a genuine smile
I am the woman who will turn in the lost wallet full of hundred dollar bills with every single bill still in it's place even if I can't afford to buy my groceries that week
I am a lazy person who would rather sit down and stare into space than clean the bathroom
I am the bus passenger who will give up her seat to someone else at the end of a long day
I am the optimist who is always looking for the brighter side to every bad situation
I am a person who craves attention and accolades for her accomplishments
I am the shy little girl who is scared people will make fun of her
I am frequently paranoid that people are saying or thinking negative things about me behind my back...but I'm getting better.
I am selfish
I am honest to a fault
I am unbelievably sarcastic, which often gets me into trouble
I am stubborn
I am weak, but I am also strong
I am silly
I am serious
I am still that same crazy girl I was when I was 15
I am a responsible adult
I am a procrastinator in a big way
I am NOT an athlete, though I wish that I was
I am a lover of books
I am a singer, but only if there is no one around to hear me
I am an aspiring photographer
I am a wannabe writer
I am a proud Blockhead
I am a twitter addict
I am too many things to list
I am simply....
Shannon

Update

I now have a computer again!
It's not a very good one though, and I can't hook my camera up to it at the moment, so I'm very limited in what I can do.
Still...at least it's something!!!

Good news?

Kevin just left to take my PC to CDW where they are going to run diagnostic tests to try to figure out what is wrong with the stupid thing.
They claim this will only take 1-2 days.
Who knows how long it will take to fix it once that is done, but at least I should have some idea of when I'm getting my computer back within the next few days.
Kevin has also decided that he is going to set up my old computer for me until I get mine back. It has just been sitting around unused for the last year. I don't know how well it will work though. The reason I got the new one to begin with was because the old one was making strange noises and acting like it was on it's last legs.
Anyway...sounds like I should be back up and running soon. Thank goodness! Who knew that I had become so dependent on my computer? Crazy.

Sorry!

Hey everyone!
I just wanted to say thank you for the concern.
I'm sorry that I went missing on ya!

I was in a little bit of a funk for a while and blogging just got away from me. Then I went to Maine for Christmas (more on that later) and when we got back my computer decided to die on me. I'm able to use Kevin's every once in a while, so I will try to check in as much as I can.

There really isn't much exciting going on at the moment. My boss decided to have me split my class into two groups and open a second classroom in the mornings. It's a positive change and it's giving me a chance to try to get more organized about the way that I approach things. Unfortunately, enrollment is down and that means reduced hours- which means that I have even less time to accomplish the things that I am supposed to. Gotta love it!
Oh, and the woman who has been working with me for the last several months decided that it was a bit too much for her to handle, so now I have a new co-teacher to train. My new co-teacher has been with the company for a few years, but this is her first real experience with the preschool program. Her first day is tomorrow...should be interesting!

Our trip to Maine was nice. We drove (19 hours each way with a 3 year old and a dog...yes, we are insane!). Ciara actually did amazingly well, especially considering the fact that she had very little to keep her occupied. Fortunately, she shares her Mom's taste in music and seemed content to groove to my ipod.
I finally got to meet Jovey! She's adorable. Ciara was a lot more interested in her cousins this time around, but she still has trouble figuring out why Niesa doesn't act like she wants her too sometimes. It was great to get to spend time with all of my family. I miss them a lot.
Christmas morning was especially nice. I was hanging out in the kitchen talking to my family when we suddenly noticed that it was my Mom, my Dad, Ray, Mary and me (and Niesa and Jovey), and that everyone else was still sleeping. I think that's probably the first time that's happened in about 10 years. How funny that it should happen to be on Christmas morning. Mom made pancakes, and we sat around and chatted like old times.
I also had the opportunity to spend some quality time with Mary. I love that we can finally hang out together without it turning into WWIII. I honestly can't even remember the last time that we had an argument. I never thought I'd live to see the day that I could say that!
Leaving was especially difficult this time around because Ciara has gotten old enough to become attached and she started crying and telling me how much she was going to miss Nana. It broke my heart.
I have pictures to share, but I can't find the software CD for the camera to install it on Kevin's computer. I'll upload them as soon as I can!

The only other news is that Ciara's birthday is rapidly approaching. She finally gets to have an actual party this year! We decided to set up a party at Build-a-Bear for her. She and 5 friends will get to spend about an hour creating their own personal stuffed animals. I'm pretty sure she'll love it. Now we just have to figure out where to go for lunch and cake because they don't have a food license there. Oh...and we need to figure out the guest list as well. So far Ciara's not much help. It's especially sticky for me since all of her friends are in my class. Narrowing it down to 5 kids without insulting anyone could be tricky.

Ciara is desperate for some attention, so I'm going to have to go for now. I promise that I will not stay away quite so long this time though!

Some things are better left to the imagination

So you know that phrase
"That's about as much fun as a root canal"?

Well, I used to just be able to say- "Yeah, that sure sounds like it sucks"

Today, I can tell you for sure that it does!

There's just nothing like staring at ceiling tiles for an hour or two while someone does unkown things with scary power tools in your mouth.

Then there's the added bonus of feeling like your entire face is swollen for about 4-5 hours, followed closely by the lovely throbbing head sensations.

Yeah...fun. That's the perfect word for it.

Quick update

Ok, so some of you may be wondering what I've been up to during my little blog-hiatus.

I'd love to give you some exciting story...but the truth of the matter is that the answer to that question is that I haven't done much of anything at all.

I guess that's part of the reason that there haven't been any new blog posts lately.

I just really don't have anything to tell you!

Karma has been kinda giving me a kick in the teeth lately. Seriously- I even have a broken tooth to prove it. It broke on Thanksgiving no less. Nice, huh? I cut my finger opening a can of cranberry sauce that day too. WTF?

I'm not sure just what it is that I did...but I must have had a serious lapse in judgement somewhere along the way to earn the streak of bad luck I've been dealing with.

Maybe it's the Karma God's way of telling me to get back to my blog? Perhaps if I start posting again it will all go away? I guess I'll just have to give it a try for my own safety, huh?

Let me also apologize because not only have I not been writing my own blogs, but I stopped keeping up with all of yours as well. Please give me a few days to catch up! I promise I'll be coming around soon.

Much love to ya!